Ah….physical media: More reliable than streaming, and more reliable than a local politician. Well, at least with physical media you can hit pause or eject it. Can’t really do that with people, especially politicians. Legal issues and all that jazz. Anyhoo, I’m back again with some of the most glamorous movies to ever hit the home video market…and by glamorous, I usually mean crap. But hey, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, am I right? Right? In all seriousness, I picked up a bunch of stuff since the last Haul, so let’s not waste any more time:
Knights of the Zodiac – Sony Pictures
This was quite a surprise, actually. It’s based on a manga called Saint Seiya, and is about this kid that supposed to become the Pegasus Knight to protect a young woman who is the reincarnation of Athena. Yes, THAT Athena. It’s actually a pretty original story that follows the Hero’s Journey almost to a tee, but from a visual standpoint there’s a lot going on. There’s some really good action here, despite some of the CGI being iffy. It’s a low-budget film after all. What interested me in the film was the cast. Mackenyu plays Seiya. Makcenyu is the son of the late great Sonny Chiba. The film also stars Famke Janssen of James Bond and X-Men fame, and we’ve also got the legendary Sean Bean. Nick Stahl is pretty fun as the bad guy Cassios, but Mark Dacasco is kind of wasted in his role here, which is a shame, because he’s incredibly talented. Overall it’s a pretty decent action flick. It’s just a shame that it bombed at the box office because the studio had no faith in it. So, a sequel is unlikely.
Space Wars: Quest for the Deepstar – Uncork’d Entertainment
I love my science fiction movies. I love my really smart sci-fi like Dune, Arrival, and 2001. But I also like my junk-food sci-fi like Independence Day, Cyborg, and Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. Space Wars has more in common with Spacehunter because of how damned goofy it is. It stars Michael Paré and Olivier Gruner. Is it great? No. The story is fairly generic about a space trucker named Kip and his daughter as they try to evade space pirates and giant monsters. It’s just bonkers on so many levels, and I think the actors are in on the joke. Still, it’s pretty fun if you’re willing to go all in on a cheap DTV sci-fi adventure. I’ve seen a hell of a lot worse than this, so there’s that.
Sisu – Lionsgate Studios
If you’ve ever enjoyed watching Nazis getting wasted in movies, you’re in for a treat here. This movie is about a Finnish gold miner who lays waster single-handedly to a small company of fascist thugs. It IS a gory movie, but it’s oh, so satisfying when the Nazis get turned into red mist. It’s glorious and the movie never strays from that concept. It’s clear to me that the film-makers really HATE Nazis. It’s beautifully shot with mostly practical effects. If you like your action movies with a side of slaughtered Nazi, Sisu will scratch that itch and then some.
Black Dynamite – Sony Pictures
Black Dynamite is one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time. It’s not just a send-up of blaxploitation movies, but it embraces that off-the-wall cinematic style. It’s very influenced by the blaxploitation movies of the early 70s, while Michael Jai White’s Black Dynamite is a riff on the late Jim Kelly(Enter the Dragon). It’s so over-the-top, but it’s really fun. Michael Jai White has some really amazing comedic chops in addition to being one of the best on screen martial artists in the world. Even the supporting actors are amazing. The last act of the film is just bonkers. So, yeah, I definitely recommend this one.
Irreversible – Altered Innocence
Oh, boy. Where to start with this one. Irreversible is one of the most notorious French films of the last 22 years. The film follows two men(played by Vincent Cassel and Albert Dupontel)as they seek revenge against a man who brutally assaulted the woman they love(Monica Bellucci). On the surface it might seem like yet another rape-revenge movie, but how the film unfolds makes it incredibly unique amongst its peers. Most movies tend start from the beginning of the story. Irreversible begins with the film’s end credits, and moves backward from there. The act of revenge comes very quickly, and from there you see the two men try and find out who is responsible, and then you get to the assault itself which goes on for an excruciating 9 minutes. All this happens in the first 43 minutes of the film. After that, you see all three characters in happier times, but the first 43 minutes cast a really dark shadow over the rest of the film, because you know what eventually happens. It gets pretty tragic. One of the key themes of the film was that “time destroys everything.” Now, the copy of the film I got comes with a “straight” cut which means the movie plays out like every other movie, but in some ways, that diminishes the film’s power. People walked out of the premiere of this film cursing Gaspar Noe while others praised him for such a uniquely crafted film. It’s a tough one to sit through, but it’s powerful, and the performance by the main three are stellar, with Ms. Bellucci being the standout.
The Medallion – Sony Picture/Screen Gems
I’m not going to lie: The Medallion is not a great movie, and it’s an even worse Jackie Chan film. Seeing Jackie on wires just didn’t really work. Especially when you consider that his filmography involved him doing nearly all of his own stunts. I get that the story involves a supernatural artifact that gives him superhuman powers, but Chan was pretty much superhuman anyway. Part of the reason why I bought this movie was because Julian Sands played the main villain. Sands was always good at playing bad guys, and he’s a standout here. Even for a Jackie Chan movie, it’s too damned goofy for its own good. Still, getting to see a young Scott Adkins take on Jackie Chan was pretty fun.
The Prodigal Son – 20th Century Fox
I’ll never turn down a good kung-fu flick, and The Prodigal Son from 1981 is one of the best. The fight choreography in this film is outstanding. It’s some of the fastest and furiest fighting in the early 80s. The movie is about Leung Jan, who was a practitioner of Wing Chun, which was made famous by Ip Man, the man who trained Bruce Lee. Ip Man was initially trained by one of Jan’s students, but would later be trained by Leung Bik, Jan’s son. I don’t think the movie is really accurate, but it’s very interesting to see the style interpreted here. It’s pretty goofy as a lot of kung-fu movies of this era were, but with Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao in the lead, it’s one of the most memorable.
The French Connection – 20th Century Fox
The French Connection is a Gene Hackman movie that was recently in the news for the wrong reasons. It’s based on actual events where Hackman plays real-life cop “Popeye” Doyle who helped make one of the largest drug busts in American history. The controversy was about a 6-second clip early in the movie where Hackman’s talking to Roy Scheider about certain kinds of people. 6 seconds were apparently cut out of the streaming versions of the film. Disney got some serious backlash for it, but they haven’t fixed it, because…Disney. This is actually a very good movie. The car chase towards the end of the film is one of the greatest put on film, because its real. It was all improvised and the didn’t have time to do it again. It was insane. Do yourself a favor and find a physical copy of this movie and watch it.
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
As someone who has no real vested interest in the whole Dungeons & Dragons thing, I found this movie to be pretty damn good. Which is more than I can say for the previous adaptations. It’s such a beloved property that a lot folks weren’t sure that the film could live up to their expectations. As a result, the film bombed. That sucks because this movie does a pretty good job of easing newcomers into the whole thing. It also helps that you have a stellar cast that includes Chris Pine, Hugh Grant, and Michelle Rodgriguez. I’ve gone on YouTube and checked out people playing the game, and this movie plays out almost exactly like the way those games play out. It’s a lot of fun, with pretty good action, and a decent story.
All Quiet on The Western Front – Netflix
This is one of the rare times when Netflix releases their stuff on physical media. It was likely they struck a deal with a distribution company to let it happen, but it’s absolutely one worth having, especially if you’re a fan of war movies. In fact, I would argue that Western Front is more of an anti-war movie. It pulls no punches in showing you the horrific reality of trench warfare during World War I. It’s emotionally devastating, especially when you see that the kids at the beginning of the film were excited to go the front. It’s brutal and the stunning cinematography makes the warfare uglier. Definitely worth having in your collection.
Avatar: The Way of Water
I didn’t catch this movie in theaters when it was released 6 months ago, to my great regret, but I’ve gotten very picky about which 3.5 hour movies I’m willing to sit through with complete strangers. This is an outstanding sequel. James Cameron nails it again in terms of visuals world-building. In fact, the CGI here is a lot better than the first movie, which still holds up incredibly well. The film’s focus on family is one of the best aspects of the film. Sam Worthington’s Jake Sully’s family is incredibly fleshed out. Zoe Saldana has never been better as Neytiri. Even Stephen Lang’s Quaritch gets more to chew on. He’s still a bad guy, but there’s more to him than just being a mustache-twirling villain. It just sucks that we’re not getting another movie until late 2025. Dammit.
Cliffhanger – Sony Pictures
This movie does for mountain climbing what Jaws did for going back in the water: Nope. Nope. Nope. In all seriousness, Cliffhanger is one of director Renny Harlin’s best movies, and it’s one of Stallone’s best roles. The movie starts off shocking enough with a tragic accident when Stallone’s character fails to save a climber. It’s haunting. But it’s also a heist movie that’s thrilling from beginning to end. John Lithgow’s villain is one of the most ruthless that I’ve seen in movies during the 90s. It’s all done on location with the exception of one sequence, and it’s the reason why I don’t like climbing. I also don’t like falling. It’s an awesome movie, check it out.
Renfield – Universal Pictures
There is no reason for this movie to be as awesome as it is. When I first heard about Nicolas Cage playing Dracula, that kind of informed me what kind of movie this was going to be, and it didn’t disappoint. It’s a hyper-violent action-horror-comedy. As awesome as Nic Cage is, Nicolas Hoult brings as much to the table as Renfield. It’s hilarious, but the action sequences are actually really well-done. It’s also one of the goriest movies released this year. It’s total madness, and I love it.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie – Universal Studios
THIS is the Super Mario movie that we deserved. The one we got in 1993…well…we speak not of such things anymore. Honestly, though, this movie is everything I hoped and wanted it to be and more. Like a lot of people, I grew up with the Super Mario video games, especially on the original NES and Gameboy systems. This is pure joy. There’s a lot of fan-service in here, that’s true, but it doesn’t make it hard for newcomers to get into. You’ve got a stellar voice cast with Chris Pratt as Marion, Anya Taylor-Joy as Princess Peach, and Jack Black as Bowser. It works better than I thought it would. The animation and visual style is like something you would see in a recent game and it’s just super colorful. This was Nintendo’s second foray into the movie business, and they hit it out of the park.
Fist of the Condor – Well GO USA
This one’s an odd one. As a fan of martial arts actor Marko Zaror, I was not initially impressed with this one when I first saw it on Hi-Yah. I think the ending of the film kind of put me off a bit. But everything leading up to the ending was fantastic. It’s a story about two brothers-turned-rivals who seek an ancient martial arts technique. There are elements of the film which seem kind of goofy, but the fight choreography is stellar with Zaror doing most of the staging himself. The movie’s beautifully shot and has an old-school kung-fu flavor to it that I appreciate. I don’t necessarily think it’s one of Zaror’s best, but on repeat viewings, it gets better.
John Wick Chapter 4 – Lionsgate Studios
The John Wick movies have always been over-the-top. I thought John Wick 3 was nuts. Chapter 4 takes insanity to a whole new level, and I’m not entirely sure that’s a good thing. There’s so much action in this nearly 3-hour movie that its exhausting. I don’t mind the escalation of action in most movies, but this is ridiculous. Yeah, you’ve got some the biggest names in action in the film: Donnie Yen, Scott Adkins, Marko Zaror, and Hiroyuki Sanada, but I can’t help thinking that less is more. Or at least should be more. Don’t get me wrong, the action in the film is outstanding. It’s well-choreographed and the stunts are out-of-this-world, but I really do think they should’ve scaled it back a bit. It did well enough to warrant another one, but I’m not sure they should.
Sakra – Well Go USA
It’s been a while since I’ve seen Donnie Yen in a wuxia movie. Sakra is about a man who is accused of murdering his master and parents, so he sets out to find the truth. The story is pretty standard for wuxia movies, but what makes it different is Yen. Not only does he star in the film, but he also directs it. Fight staging is left to Kenji Tanigaki, who has worked on a lot of Donnie’s projects since Kill Zone in 2005. It’s a stunning film, filled with outstanding visuals, and the acting is top-notch. If there’s one complaint I have, it that the film relies a little too much on CGI and leans a little too much into the superhero sort of film. Still, it’s worth looking at if you’re a fan of these kinds of movies. Donnie Yen is in top form as an actor and director.
Seventeen! Holy smokes! That’s a lot. I didn’t bring up Evil Dead Rise because I did a separate post on that one for a reason. I recently did a post on the strikes last week, so I will be keeping a close eye on the situation. I’ll keep you up-to-date as more information becomes available, but don’t expect the strikes to end anytime soon. So, feel free to check out any of the movies that I’ve mentioned here and I will do another as soon as I buy more. Thanks for spending your time going through this post, it’s longer than I anticipated, but it’s worth it. This is Major Tom, signing off.