Month: August 2020

Director: Aaron Norris

Released: March 1994

Run Time: 95 Minutes

Rated R

Distributor: The Canon Group

Genre: Action/Horror

Cast:
Chuck Norris: Frank Shatter
Calvin Levels: Calvin Jackson
Christopher Neame: Lockley
Sheree J. Wilson: Leslie
David Robb: King Richard

Growing up as an 80s/90s kid, I was exposed to a lot of different movies.  Star Wars was one of my first movies, and from there it was Indiana Jones, Aliens, and a whole mess of other kinds of movies.  But one of my favorite decades when it comes to movies was the 80 and 90s.  Why?  The action movies.  The 80s had the best action movie stars in the world: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Sho Kosugi, Mel Gibson, Kurt Russell, Sigourney Weaver, and Peter Weller.  But the one action star that I really enjoyed watching was the legendary Chuck Norris.  Yes, Chuck Norris: The man who doesn’t do push-ups, but pushes the Earth down; the man that the boogie man fears, and the man whose beard hides another fist.  In all seriousness, this guy had a hell of a career.  I mean, he basically started his movie career going up against Bruce Lee in The Way of the Dragon.  That was one of the greatest fight scenes in cinematic history.  He’s been in some of the most memorable movies in the 80s and early 90s, like Lone Wolf McQuade, Code of Silence, The Delta Force, Top Dog, and Missing In Action.  You know what WASN’T memorable? Hellbound.

Hellbound follows police detective Frank Shatter and his partner, Calvin Jackson as they investigate the bizarre and brutal murder of a rabbi.  During their investigation, they come across what appears to be a piece of an ancient scepter that belonged to a demonic creature known as Prosatanos.  According to legend(in the film), the scepter was shattered by King Richard the Lionheart during the Crusades, preventing Armageddon.  Prosatanos, who was alive during the time of King Richard, has apparently returned to fulfill his destiny and open the gates of Hell.  You know, I’m a huge of supernatural movies.  I loved movies like The Exorcist, End of Days, Warlock, and other movies dealing with otherworldly and demonic forces.  So, throwing Chuck Norris into a supernatural action flick probably would have been a good idea, right?  In the hands of better film-makers, maybe.  The story here is as silly as it gets, and I think the actors are in on the joke.  You ever watch a movie as a kid that you thought you loved, but when you watch it again decades later, you realize that it ain’t that good?  That’s my experience with Hellbound.

Let’s be honest here:  Nobody in a Chuck Norris movie is going to win awards for acting.  It just isn’t going to happen.  Hellbound is a perfect example of why that is.  When I said that the actors appeared to be in on the joke, I meant it.  The villain, played by Christopher Neame takes to another level.  This guy chews the scenery so much, that there isn’t much left anybody else to latch on to.  He’s so over-the-top, it’s funny.  Calvin Levels plays Jackson, Shatter’s sidekick, essentially.  This movie was released when sidekicks were particularly annoying, and Jackson was irritating on so many levels.  After he and Shatter arrive in Israel, the only thing that Jackson does is bitch and moan about it being too hot, and not getting anything to eat.  It’s a running gag that was never funny to begin with.  Sheree J. Wilson plays Leslie, the archaeological assistant and Shatter’s potential love interest.  If Sheree’s name seems familiar, it’s because she was also in Walker, Texas Ranger with Chuck Norris as well.  She doesn’t really do a whole lot, she’s just there, but she’s not annoying in any way.  Now we get down to brass tacks: Chuck Norris.  I think Norris would be humble to come out and tell you that he’s not exactly a great actor, and he isn’t.  He plays Chuck Norris, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, since he does it pretty well.  His character of Frank Shatter is pretty much the standard cop that he played so often.  He plays a tough, wise-cracking cop that can send people flying with a single punch.  Like Chuck Norris.  I have to give the guy credit.  He knows his strengths and weaknesses.  He knows what he’s good at it, and most of the time you can see it on screen.  He just wants to entertain and for the most part, he succeeds.

If there’s a phrase that I can use to describe the action in Chuck Norris’ movies, it would be “blunt-force trauma.”  I’m not going to sugar-coat it, the fight scenes in Chuck’s movies aren’t the most elegant in the world.  But we’re not talking about a kung-fu expert here.  Chuck Norris’ style is not kung-fu.  He’s studied Tae Kwon Do, Tang Soo Do, and Jiu Jitsu.  There’s nothing super elegant about these styles, but when it comes to on-screen fighting, they can be fun to watch.  Chuck doesn’t do the fancy hand movements of kung-fu, he just kicks people in the face.  For the movies that he’s done, that is all that’s needed.  The fights in this film were choreographed by Benny “The Jet” Urquidez, a multiple-time world kickboxing champion, so he knows how to stage fights.  It never gets old seeing Chuck deliver a spinning hook kick to somebody’s skull.  It’s one of his trademark moves.  Unfortunately, because the film didn’t actually get a proper DVD release or visual transfer, it looks terrible.  Sometimes it’s dark and you can’t really see what’s going on.  That has more to do with the release of the film, not necessarily the film itself.  The action that you can see is not that bad, especially at the end of the film.  Seeing Chuck Norris take on a demon is actually pretty cool.

I’m a huge fan of Chuck Norris, but Hellbound was definitely NOT one of his better movies.  I enjoyed it as a teenager, but looking at it NOW, what was I thinking?  This was a complete cornball of a film, and yet, I’m still strangely entertained by it.  There’s a lot of things wrong with this movie, but I certainly wouldn’t say that to Chuck Norris’ face.  He’d punch me in the face without lifting an arm.  In all seriousness, though, Hellbound is an odd one for Chuck that doesn’t quite work.  It’s too goofy for its own good, with a soundtrack that is just incredibly ridiculous.  Even if you are a Chuck Norris fan like me, you could probably afford to skip this one.

My Final Recommendation: Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 6.5/10

Released: March 2000

Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak

Rated R

Run Time: 115 Minutes

Genre: Action

Distributor: Warner Bros.

Cast:
Jet Li: Han Sing
Aaliyah: Trish O’Day
Isaiah Washington: Mac
Russell Wong: Kai
Delroy Lindo: Isaak O’Day

When The Matrix was released back in 1999, it re-wrote the book on making science fiction movies.  Not only was the film a cyberpunk action-thriller, but it also combined elements from Hong Kong-style film-making as well, specifically the Kung Fu sequences.  The story was unique and the way the Wachowskis brought the film together was extraordinary.  The success of The Matrix not only overtook Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, which came out the same year, it gave film-makers new tools to craft new and different kinds of action films.  While some films were successful in their own right, others didn’t fare quite so well.  Between 1999 and 2005, there were a lot of action movies that tried to cash in on the popularity of The Matrix.  The influence of The Matrix could be felt in movies from The One and Equilibrium to movies like Underworld and The Island.  Some of them have been pretty decent, but some really haven’t been.  There were a couple between 2000 and 2001 that didn’t quite get it, and some of them starred Jet Li.  One of them was Romeo Must Die.

Romeo Must Die follows former cop and escaped prisoner Han Sing as heads to the United States when he learns that his brother was brutally murdered.  At the same time, gangster Isaak O’Day learns that his territory is also under attack while attempting a business deal with a multi-millionaire looking to get enough territory to build an NFL stadium.  While stealing a taxi, Han inadvertently picks up Trish, who is Isaak’s daughter.  Together, they learn that there are forces from both the Chinese and Isaak’s side that could lead to all-out war.  The actual story here is not bad at all.  In fact, I found the plot to be fairly engaging at points.  The problem is that it’s attached to a movie called Romeo Must Die.  That’s an awesome title, but it doesn’t accurately describe the movie.  At all.  That being said, I found the film to be fairly well paced and didn’t really feel bored by the goings-on.  It does pick up more steam as Jet Li enters the picture.

Performance-wise, everybody does a fantastic job here.  Delroy Lindo has a fantastic presence as Isaak O’day, a gangster who wants to become a legitimate businessman.  Isaiah Washington is Mac, Isaak’s second-in-command and the person that he trusts to look out for his children.  Russell Wong plays Kai, a ranking associate of Han’s family who was supposed to keep an eye on Han’s brother, Po.  The two actors at the heart of the film are Jet Li and Aaliyah.  For his part, Jet Li is actually pretty good here, despite the fact that he struggles with English periodically in the movie.  It only makes sense, this is his first American-made movie as the lead actor, but he does it surprisingly well.  Aaliyah.  This one’s kind of tragic.  This was Aaliyah’s first real acting gig, and she went on to shoot Queen of the Damned.  Unfortunately, Aaliyah ended up dying in a plane crash in 2001, bringing a short end to a promising artist.  Her performance in Romeo Must Die was really good.  She didn’t play the character as a weak-willed waif, but rather a strong-willed young woman that didn’t take any crap from anyone.  I actually enjoyed her scenes with Jet Li.  There was a little bit of a spark there, but nothing that really made them a romantic duo.  Aaliyah accomplished a lot in her 22 years, but she still had so much more to offer.

The one area in which Romeo Must Die SHOULD’VE excelled is where I have my biggest issues.  It was never any secret that action movies following The Matrix were going to have a hard time reaching that bar.  That’s okay, not every movie needs to.  When it comes to wire-work, The Matrix utilized it a great deal, but only when they needed to actually use it to “break the rules” in the world that they were hacking into.  The wire-work was fine.  It was even awesome in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, a wuxia fantasy film.  Again, it was appropriate for that kind of film.  Romeo Must Die is supposedly set in the real word, and the action should follow suit.  It needed to be grounded and take advantage of Jet Li’s martial arts talent.  If you’ve seen anything of Jet’s from the 90s, he’s incredibly fast.  Most film-makers have to over-crank their cameras just so they can capture his movements.  The fight sequences in Romeo Must Die that aren’t on the ground, are damn near atrocious.  I don’t actually blame Cory Yuen, the fight choreographer, for this issue, as he’s usually pretty good at fight sequences.  No, I blame the film’s director, Andrzej Bartkowiak, for trying to mix fantasy and reality in a film where the action needed to not be on wires.  The wire-work here is awful.  The worst use of it was for a football game that Han got roped into.  It’s embarrassing.  Even the final battle with Russell Wong’s character bordered on the absurd.  That also brings me to the visual effects.  There were moments in when the film goes into “x-ray” mode to show the damage that’s being done to a character.  Cool concept, crap execution.  It’s like nobody had taken the time to actually see Jet Li when he was in Hong Kong doing films like Fist of Legend and Once Upon a Time in China.

I don’t necessarily think that Romeo Must Die is an awful movie.  It really isn’t.  There’s a lot of great elements that do work: The acting, the story, and the pacing.  But the one area that the film needed to hit out of the park simply didn’t.  When you go into a Jet Li movie, you would expect to be wowed by the talent that’s on screen.  The fact that the film doesn’t fully take advantage of Jet Li’s physicality bugs the hell out of me.  Now, Jet Li would go on to make better movies in the West with films like Kiss of the Dragon, Unleashed, and The Expendables.  He will be playing the Emperor in the live-action remake of Disney’s Mulan, which I’m excited to see, so he’s been pretty successful, but he’s also been doing stuff in Hong Kong as well.  Look, at the end of the day, Romeo Must Die isn’t an awful movie.  Far from it, but when the one aspect of the film that needs to be successful isn’t, it brings the rest of the film down as a whole.  I’ve always been the firm believer that the story needs to drive the action, but when the action is as bad as this…..I’m not so sure.

My Final Recommendation: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?  Oh, wait…this ain’t fuckin’ Shakespeare. 6/10.