The past 17 years have seen their fair share of cinematic misfires. Movies like The Room, Daredevil, Gods of Egypt, and Jupiter Ascending have all been massive failures on nearly every level. That’s not to say that every movie that failed at the box office was a bad movie. Far from it. Either nobody knows these movies existed or people simply weren’t interested. This past January has seen multiple releases including a new Underworld, xXx, and Resident Evil. January is not the best time to release a movie. That being said, I’m going to be looking at upcoming movies that could possibly bomb at the box office. Again, this is not necessarily indicative of the film’s quality, but whether or not it attracts enough attention. I’m going to be discussing the more mainstream films that are going to be wide-releases, not the smaller movies, because those can be kind of niche and have their own audience. So…let’s jump into it, shall we?
Fifty Shades Darker
How the original film, Fifty Shades of Grey, made as much money as it did, is beyond my capacity to understand. It was a dreadful film in nearly every aspect, from the acting to the sex and overall story. The new one, Fifty Shades Darker is set to pick up where the last film left off. I won’t describe the story because, what’s the point? Most people who go to movies like this aren’t going to be seeing the film for the story, but rather, the….naughty bits. Considering that the original material of the Fifty Shades stories are nothing more than Twilight fan-fiction, I don’t understand how people can think that these are good movies. I could be wrong, and it could do well at the box office. I don’t see it happening though, because the original film was slammed by EVERYONE. It wasn’t even THAT provocative. Apparently the book was much more….descriptive. I haven’t read the book, so don’t take my word for it.
The Great Wall
I don’t think there’s any real doubt about how this one’s going to turn out. This one’s going to fail. Big time. From my perspective, it does look interesting and anything to do with China or China’s history/mythology is going to grab my attention. However, if you understand the actual history behind The Great Wall of China, this movie is going to come across as very…WTF? I really do like Matt Damon, as he is an incredibly likable and competent actor, but I don’t really see a purpose for him being in a movie like this. I know for sure that Matt Damon’s character is somehow going to end up being the hero at the end of the day, and it just doesn’t make any kind of sense. This movie has got Gods of Egypt-style failure written all over it.
Kong: Skull Island
This is one that could go either way. We haven’t had a King Kong movie since Peter Jackson’s attempt at remaking the original 1933 creature feature. It looks very, very cool and it’s got some really top-notch actors including Tom Hiddleston, John Goodman, John C. Reilly and Samuel L. Jackson. From a visual standpoint, this movie looks amazing. I’m actually digging the story behind this one. Peter Jackson’s film ended up being TOO long at 3 hours and some of the visual effects were not particularly good. Also, it starred Jack Black and I was not and still not a fan of that guy. I’m not entirely sure this one’s really going to connect with people.
Power Rangers
While this one ended up being on my most anticipated list of 2017, it’s also got the potential to be one of the biggest bombs of the year. I hope it doesn’t bomb, because I really like what I see. It’s a little bit grittier than the original show, but it looks like it’s going to have that camp factor built in. Besides, we’ve got Bryan Cranston as Zordon. As a fan of the original show, I’m glad they decided to go with the original characters of Jason, Kimberly, Trini, Billy, and Zack. Rita Repulsa’s look is actually pretty damn cool. The Zords look awesome as well. This one could go either way, but I really hope it will succeed.
Smurfs: The Lost Village
I’m genuinely surprised that someone’s actually attempting to do ANOTHER Smurfs movie. The last two movies were absolutely abysmal in nearly every aspect. That being said, I’m glad that they’re just going with straight-up animation instead of combining it with live-action. It looks decent enough, and I’ll still check it out, but I think most people are going to avoid this one like the plague. I don’t blame them, either. They got burned twice before. This is the kind of film that they should have been going for from the beginning. This is not going to succeed at all.
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword
This is another one that ended up being one of my most anticipated movies for this year. It looks fun and it could be pretty damned epic. However, it does have that Lord of the Rings-ish vibe about it that may not sit well with a lot of people. Not to mention that the last movie about King Arthur wasn’t particularly well-received by either critics or audiences. I’m definitely going to go see this one, but I have this sneaky suspicion that most people are just going to pass it by in favor of the more popular comic-book movies.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
You know, I have to wonder how long this series is going to continue. I know that Johnny Depp loves playing Captain Jack Sparrow, and I enjoy watching him play the character, but the last couple of movies have not been good. On Stranger Tides was just…bizarre, with mermaids, Captain Blackbeard, and the Fountain of Youth. It was just not that good. It also ended up being a domestic flop because it didn’t even make back the 250 million dollar budget. Sure, it ended up bringing home the money from international viewings, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that the film was a domestic bomb. I don’t see Pirates 5(name’s too long) being any better. Some franchises I have no problems with continuing. Pirates is one that just needs to end. I might skip the theatrical run for this one.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
It’s not very often that you see a movie that basically has “Box Office Flop” written all over it. While the other movies that I have mentioned in this post may or may not be flops, I’m pretty damn sure this one will be. Visually, it looks stunning. It’s got a lot of originality to it. However, so did Jupiter Ascending, and we all know how that one turned out. This looks like Luc Besson’s attempt at making something grand and epic, only to see it fall flat on its face. I can almost guarantee you that it will. Apparently the film is based on a French comic-book series that nobody’s heard of, so I don’t see how people are going to connect with this. This is going to be an absolute train-wreck.
These are the movies that I think may bomb the hardest. I’m not entirely sure on some of them. The others though, I’m dead certain will be failures, financially anyway.