Over the past decade, I’ve noticed an increase of surprisingly high-quality direct-to-video films. Movies like Fist 2 Fist 2: Weapon of Choice, Ninja: Shadow of a Tear, Revenge, The Debt Collector, and Accident Man all prove that you can have a really good movie that doesn’t go to theaters, and still end up being more entertaining than their big-budget brethren. There’s been a lot of really good DTV movies that came out this year, and I just mentioned only a handful. However, over the course of several decades, I’ve seen a number of big-budget theatrical releases that really have no business being in the cinema. How do they end up in theaters? Money and brand-name recognition. Now, the movies that I’m going to mention are ones that weren’t successful, and they bombed so hard that it makes you wonder if any effort was put into them. To be fair, some of these films I’m bringing up aren’t necessarily god-awful and I have fun with some of them, but the quality of the film is laughable at best and grade-school quality at worst. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the movies that should have gone straight to the store shelves.
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
I must confess: I really love the first Mortal Kombat film. I grew up with the games, so seeing these characters in a live-action film blew my mind and when the first film came out in 1995, I was not disappointed…except for the fact that the film was PG-13 and had no blood and gore. That being said, the film was at least mostly faithful to the source material. It also had interesting characters, a decent story line, and some really solid fight choreography. Yeah, it had some pretty cheesy acting and visual effects, but that added to the experience. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation has none of that. It takes itself far too seriously, yet everything about the film is hilarious. The visual effects look like they were done by a grade-school student, the acting is atrocious, and the casting is an absolute joke. I mean, they couldn’t get Christopher Lambert to play Raiden again, so they went with James Remar instead? The costumes are ridiculous and the decisions that the characters make are……WHAT?! I was excited for this movie back in 1997, but when I left the theater, I was flabbergasted. The visual effects were awful, even by 1997 standards. This movie does have an awesome soundtrack and it isn’t boring, but the fights are uninspired and cheap-looking. Yet, at the same time, I was entertained by the film….in a “so bad it’s good” kind of way.
Jaws: The Revenge
Do I really have to say anything about this one? I mean, Jaws 4 is about a shark that follows the Brody family to the Bahamas….why? Revenge? Jaws 3 was bad, but at least the film kind of new that it was going to be silly, especially in 3D, but The Revenge? What idiot thought that this film was a good idea. I mean, they managed to bring Lorraine Gary out of retirement, only for her to disappear again after the film’s release. We haven’t seen anything from her since, at least not according to IMDB. This movie also commits one of the greatest sins of a film of this type: It’s boring. The pacing is all wrong, certain decisions were highly questionable. I mean, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have the shark roar in one of the scenes? SHARKS DON’T HAVE FUCKING VOCAL CORDS! Also Ms. Gary’s character has this weird psychic connection with the shark and has visions from the original film, even though she was never there in some of those scenes. Also, the shark explodes when it gets stabbed by the goddamn boat. Not only did Jaws 4 cause Lorraine Gary to go back into retirement, but it also killed any possible shot at another sequel. This movie never should have seen the inside of a movie theater.
The Hurricane Heist
The Hurricane Heist isn’t the worst film on this list. It’s not even a terrible film. I find it to be legitimately entertaining and exciting at times. The problem is that the concept has been done before and it has been done better. The visual effects in this film are of the DTV-variety. This is a film that you could easily find on the Sy-Fy channel if they put forward any effort into their films. It’s a very by-the-numbers action/disaster flick involving a robbery during a category 5 hurricane. The concept is actually really cool, and some of the execution is pretty spot on. However: The film goes by the book and only by the book, which doesn’t put it very high in the action category. Quite frankly, I’ve seen DTV disaster films that are better, but I have seen worse. Speaking of worse…..
Gods of Egypt
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Alex Proyas, the director behind awesome movies like The Crow, Dark City, and Knowing has given us one of the worst action movies to come out in the past 5 years. The concept could have worked, but the execution was just gods-awful(see what I did there?). Ignoring the fact that the film was completely white-washed with nary an Egyptian actor in sight, the film fails on nearly every level. Considering the budget involved, this is a movie that should have been better than it was. Had it been released direct-to-video, I think it would have been better received, but then again, maybe not. Yeah, it’s a bad movie, but the fact that it got a theatrical release just boggles the mind. This was an ill-conceived mess from the beginning. So, yeah, this one should have gone direct-to-video.
I, Frankenstein
Here’s another one that I actually kind of like. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is one of the most respected novels ever written. Not necessarily at the time, but over the years, it’s become an absolute classic, much like Bram Stoker’s Dracula. So, over the course of the 20th century, various film-makers have attempted to make their own interpretation of the Frankenstein monster. The last effort was 2014’s I, Frankenstein, in which they attempted to turn the titular monster into a superhero. They did the same thing with Dracula: Untold, but that one was a much better film. Aaron Eckhart plays the monster, now called Adam. He’s not bad, but the writing is awful. The entire film takes itself way too seriously for the concept to work properly. Gargoyles versus demons? It’s sounds like fun, doesn’t it? If the film had more humor, it could’ve been something bonkers. But instead, we have a dreary action film with visual effects that are straight out of the PlayStation 2-era and a story that is generic as hell. This one needed to go directly to the shelves, because it bombed. It’s not awful, but it’s not the film that it needed to be.
While movie studios gauge the success of their films by how many butts they can get into movie theaters, the actual success of a film depends entirely on how the audience sees the film. Are they going to like it? If so, the film may be successful. If they don’t, the film may tank. Neither outcome is a guarantee, but sometimes a film may find more success on home video than it will in theaters. Movies like Highlander may bomb in the box-office, but they tend to find their audiences on the home video market, and with the advent of digital media and streaming services like Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime, people have more options to see these movies. Unless you happen to be George Lucas, James Cameron, or Christopher Nolan, you may have a better shot at getting your film noticed by skipping the theater entirely. The movies that I just listed are ones that went to theaters, but really shouldn’t have. These are the ones that stood out to me the most. The expectations for a theatrical release are much, much higher than something released directly to DVD. While some of these films are awful, the other ones are decent at most. That being said, I will be going over some of the better direct-to-video releases over the next couple of weeks. With 2018 coming to a close, I will also be prepping my Best of 2018 series, so stay tuned.