Released: July 2017
Director: Luc Besson
Run Time: 137 Minutes
Rated PG-13
Distributor: STX Entertainment
Genre: Science Fiction/Action
Cast:
Dane DeHaan: Major Valerian
Cara Delevingne: Sergeant Laureline
Clive Owen: Commander Arun Filitt
Rihanna: Bubble
Ethan Hawke: Jolly the Pimp
You know, it takes a special kind of director to craft a film that is so wild, so imaginative, so creative, and yet, so vapid and shallow that it defies all sorts of logic. Of what movies do I speak? There have been several, the most recent being Jupiter Ascending. It was visually distinctive, imaginative, and original. It was also boring. The problem was that there was no substance beneath the visual flair of the film. The acting, the characters, and the lousy pacing sank what could have been a fantastic film. Sadly, that is exactly the same problem I saw with Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.
The film opens with a montage of astronauts greeting each other. Over the years, the space station grows and aliens begin to show up. 400 years later, the Human Federation is in command of Alpha, a massive structure built to house hundreds of species from across the entire universe. Major Valerian and Sergeant Laureline have been tasked with retrieving a particular object from a nearby planet. The story here get so damned convoluted that you generally have no idea what’s going on. As soon as you do figure it out, the movie is nearly over and it’s so thin, that it’s a miracle that anybody even bothered with a story. There’s so much going on with betrayals and intrigue and all sorts of shenanigans. The problem: None of it means a damn thing. It’s essentially Valerian rescuing Laureline and vice versa. Not only that, you have what is arguably one of the lamest love stories ever written. Was this movie written by human beings? It certainly doesn’t seem like it.
Like Jupiter Ascending, this film is a perfect example of style-over-substance. Luc Besson, the director, has proven that he can direct visually spectacular films, but he doesn’t have the first damn clue about writing a decent story or characters. It’s a problem that’s haunted him since The Fifth Element. I loved The Fifth Element personally, but that’s mostly because he managed to get a stellar cast for the movie, which made the film better than it should’ve been. Valerian isn’t so lucky. I’m not saying the actors are bad, but they’re not given anything substantial to work with. Dane DeHann plays Valerian while Cara Develingne plays Laureline. There really is no chemistry between the two. DeHann uses this voice that really sounds forced trying to make Valerian sound more tough than he is. Cara fares a bit better, but she’s still hamstrung by a terrible script. Clive Owen is clearly there for the paycheck. You can see his character arc coming a mile away. Subtlety has never been Besson’s strong suit, but you have a character that may as well have “villain” tattooed on his forehead. The actors that play the humans aren’t served very well. The aliens on the other hand, are absolutely fantastic.
That leads me into what is easily the best part of the film: The visuals. Make no mistake about it, this is a gorgeous movie. The CGI and the characters are superb. It’s very clear where the production money went. The creature designs and the costumes are really phenomenal. The ships and the planets are also stunning. This is easily one of the most visually interesting movies that I’ve seen in years. On the same token, the action is pretty good. All the fights and gun battles are staged well with decent camera work so you can see what’s going on. It’s got big explosions, chases, mass destruction and an epic space battle. What more could you possibly want? Well….a movie that at least tries to make some kind of sense, actually.
You can have all the bad-ass action sequences you want in a movie. You can also have the best visual effects that money can buy. None of that means a damn thing, if there’s no solid story or characters to hold all that up. Basically, what we have here is an expensive fireworks show. Luc Besson is a visual director, this much is clear. When it comes to visuals, there aren’t a lot of people that can do it the way he can. Unfortunately, his ability to write solid stories and characters has not been very impressive lately. This feels like his attempt at creating a Star Wars-type universe, but considering who poorly received Valerian has been. I don’t think we’ll ever see another movie in this particular universe. I can’t honestly recommend this movie to anybody but the die-hard Besson fans. Even then, I would say, wait until it’s in a dollar theater or something. It’s not worth it.
My Final Recommendation: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Blahs. 5/10