Released: June 2018
Director: Mercedes Bryce Morgan
Run Time: 104 Minutes
Not Rated
Distributor: MGM/UA Studios
Genre: Science Fiction
Cast:
Ellie Gall: Catherine Langford
Connor Trinneer: Professor Paul Langford
Aylam Orian: Dr. Wilhelm Brucke
Philip Alexander: Captain James Beal
Shvan Aladdin: Wasif
I’m a huge fan of science fiction, be it comics, video games, movies or television. There’s just something absolutely incredible about the genre that sets my imagination on fire. Whether it’s Star Trek, Star Wars, or 2001: A Space Odyssey, these films offer a unique glimpse into the ideas and imaginations of the people that make them. 2001 is by far my favorite science fiction film of all time. It’s taken me some years to realize, but hey, better late than never, right? I love smart science fiction in particular like 2001, Annihilation, and Arrival. These are amazing examples of smart science fiction. That being said, I also enjoy some really silly science fiction like Armageddon, Independence Day, and The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai. They don’t necessarily have to be smart to be entertaining. One of my favorite pop-corn sci-fi movies during the 90’s was a little flick called Stargate starring Kurt Russell and James Spader. Goofy as hell, but it had some really interesting ideas with some pretty good visual effects and some pretty clever dialogue. It was a lot of fun. The film ultimately inspired a television show, SG-1, which would run for almost 10 seasons, with two live-action spin-off series, Atlantis and Universe. There were also a number of direct-to-video movies that were half-way decent. So, imagine my surprise when I look on Amazon Prime for something to watch, and I come across this little title called Stargate Origins: Catherine. I had literally never heard of this one before, and very few science fiction movies go under the radar. There’s a reason for that. Origins is complete horseshit.
This “film”/miniseries takes place 10 years after the opening scene in the original film. It follows Professor Paul Langford and his daughter Catherine as they study the circular object that they discovered in 1928, the Stargate. It seems that they are not the only ones interested in the object as the Nazis, led by Dr. Wilhelm Brucke, show up with the intention to use it to find some kind of super-weapon that Hitler can use. What the hell is this?! Seriously. Who is the fucking idiot responsible for green-lighting this? Who thought it was a good idea to explore the time between the opening 1928 scene in the film and the 1994 period? It wasn’t something that people were asking for let alone needed to know. So, the Stargate was discovered in Giza in 1928, and then the film cuts to 1994. It seemed pretty straight-forward to me. Oh, and bringing in the Nazis, because why? I know they’re the go-to bad guys for movies that take place in the 30s, but you could be a little less obvious about it. The story is incredibly idiotic that features Ellie Gall’s character basically doing the exact same thing that Spader’s character did in the movie. There’s also this other subplot of Aset who has this “forbidden” child that absolutely goes nowhere. This film is full of poor plots and ding-dong ideas that thankfully don’t go anywhere.
If the story wasn’t bad enough, it gets worse. The acting in this…this…thing is beyond abominable. It is that bad. I’ve seen a lot of direct-to-video movies that have some pretty horrendous acting, but none of that compares to this drivel. The Nazi characters are so over-the-top, they’re cartoonish. Nazis were a lot of things, but cartoonish really wasn’t one of them. They were truly evil in every sense of the word. But these characters are so over-the-top and hammy, you can’t take them seriously as a threat. Let’s also talk about the “alien” villains. The performances with these characters make you want to punch baby Jesus, or in this case, baby Tut. Honestly, the only ones that manage to salvage ANY kind of dignity are Ellie Gall as Catherine and Conner Trinneer as her father. Most people will recognize Conner Trinneer as Trip from Star Trek: Enterprise. He’s not actually that bad here. But honestly, not even him nor Ellie could withstand the dreadful dialogue. It’s worse than Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Yeah, I said it. This whole project was clearly written by people who didn’t bother taking a class in high school or college. It’s beyond amateurish.
The visual effects for the original film were pretty good for the time, and they still hold up fairly well. Even SG-1 had some really solid visual effects. Here? It’s obvious the visual effects were NOT in the budget. The actual Stargate effect is an extremely cheap knock-off of what they did in the main film. Not only that, they had the audacity to use parts of the actual opening scene for this film, and cut just before we actually see Professor Langford’s face. I understand the low-budget nature of films like this, and you have to get creative with how you approach visual effects and writing, but this was just god-awful. I’m amazed they actually got blanks to use for the guns they used in the film. The action sequences are high-school level of dreadful. No, scratch that, I remember doing better action sequences for my film class in junior high. Poorly choreographed, unconvincing and incredibly boring. What else is boring? The costume designs and make-up. Holy shit. A drunk cheerleader could do better make-up than what we see here. The costumes and sets are equally bland. I understand that the budget for Origins was pretty small, but that’s no excuse for hiring people that really don’t have a fucking clue about what makes Stargate so interesting. The inconsistencies, the continuity errors, and overall complete lack of effort by nearly everybody involved, basically makes this a piss-poor fan film. I’ve seen some fan films that are really good, but this wouldn’t be one of them.
Stargate is one of my favorite action films ever, and that’s because there was a ton of effort put into it. From the set designs, which were epic to the action sequences that were inventive and the acting which was superb. Even the smaller details like the particular dialect of the ancient Egyptian language being spoken was incredible. The series that followed expanded on the mythology to a degree that we haven’t really seen since. Do we get any of that here? No. What we get is a dry, barren, sand-heap of a film/series that really has no reason to exist. There are very few movies and TV shows out there that can truly piss me off. Stargate Origins managed to do just that. It’s lifeless, dull, and quite frankly, a complete waste of fucking time. Don’t bother. Leave this one buried in the sand where it belongs. This is probably the worst thing I’ve ever seen.
My Final Recommendation: It is scientifically proven that Stargate Origins fucking sucks. .5/10