Released: August 1997
Director: John Nicollela
Rated PG-13
Run Time: 95 Minutes
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Genre: Action/Adventure
Cast:
Kevin Sorbo: Kull
Tia Carrere: Akivasha
Litefoot: Ascalante
Thomas Ian Griffith: General Taligaro
Harvey Fierstein: Juba
Karina Lombard: Zareta
Sven-Ole Thorsen: King Borna
I’ve always been making noise about what year was a banner for great movies. 1977, 1979, 1986, 1991. These specific years saw some truly outstanding films from every corner of the globe. But here’s the truth of the matter: EVERY year has one or two great movies. It’s just that some years have a lot more than others. On the flip-side, every year has also had its fair share of bad movies. So, if I declare a banner year for great movies, shouldn’t I also pick one out for truly bad movies? I was thinking about that while watching today’s movie. The 1980s had some really bad horror and action movies, for sure, but 1997? Oh, lordy. Some of the most notoriously bad movies came out during 1997. Don’t get me wrong, that year had more great movies than bad, but the bad ones really stood out: Spawn, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Batman and Robin, Alien Resurrection, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, Home Alone 3, and Jungle 2 Jungle. There were quite a few, but a movie that seems to be left out in the ether was Kull The Conqueror. This sword and sandal adventure flick came and went without much fuss, but was it terrible?
The movie begins as Kull tries to prove himself worthy of joining King Borna’s army. It’s soon revealed that Borna has begun slaughtering his heirs, and Kull kills the king to stop him. With Borna’s dying breath, Kull is made king of Valucia. In the shadows, General Taligaro plots to overthrow Kull by resurrecting Akivasha, an ancient demonic witch who used to rule the ancient kingdom of Acheron. After marrying Kull, Akivasha poisons him and takes throne. After rescuing a slave girl from burning alive and a priest, Kull learns of an ancient weapon that can be used to destroy Akivasha. Honestly, that synopsis is probably more than this movie deserves. As someone who grew up watching movies like Conan: The Barbarian with Arnold Schwarzenegger, I had no idea that the character was based on books written by Robert E. Howard. Most people know who Conan is as a character, most have no idea who Kull is. Kull is a character that is in the same universe as Conan, but predates Conan by at least 2,000 years. In the hands of better film-makers, Kull could’ve been the next Conan. In fact, like Red Sonja, Kull was initially intended to be a third Conan film. The story in the film itself is pretty standard sword-and-sorcery stuff. It doesn’t really do much to distinguish itself from any other movie like it.
The big draw for this movie at the time, was its lead actor, Kevin Sorbo. Kevin Sorbo was in between seasons of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys in which he played…well…Hercules. Hercules was a breakout role for Kevin that put him on the map, at least temporarily. Regardless of what you think about the man’s personal political and religious beliefs, you had to admit that there was something magnetic about this guy. He was a lot of fun to watch, and he had some pretty decent comedic timing. But he also handled physical roles pretty well, and it’s really no different in this movie. This was his first lead role in a feature film and it could’ve been worse. Tia Carrere is the film’s main villain, Akivasha. I really hate to point this out, but it’s been a huge problem in movies for decades: It was clear that they didn’t hire Ms. Carrere for her acting chops. They needed a female villain who was alluring and attractive, but not much else. As a result, the main villain is incredibly shallow and not very threatening. I think Tia Carrere is a decent actress. She was great in True Lies and Wayne’s World, but like most of the actors in this movie, she’s totally wasted. Harvey Fierstein plays the flamboyant pirate, Juba, and he’s one of the best parts of the movie. You might recognize Harvey from Independence Day, because he played Jeff Goldblum’s boss in that movie. He knows he’s in a bad movie, and he’s just having fun with it. Thomas Ian Griffith plays Taligaro and I have to admit, I’m disappointed with Griffith here. The guy is a martial artist, so he can handle the physical stuff like a pro, but we don’t get to see him use any of that in this movie, which would’ve made it a little more exciting.
As far as the action in the movie goes, it’s serviceable. There’s nothing terrible about what we see on screen. It’s mostly bloodless, but this was also before the whole “shaky-cam” business that come a decade later. The fight choreography and stunt-work here is STILL better than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. To be fair, that’s not really a high bar to beat. Some of the swordplay is pretty decent, but it’s nothing that you haven’t seen before in movies like Dragonheart, which came out the previous year. The biggest issue with this movie is that it feels completely generic. Everything from the dialogue to the effects just feel generic. The music makes this movie feel dated, though. It’s a combination of orchestra and hard rock. It’s a bizarre combination that it feels both appropriate and inappropriate at the same time. As far as the dialogue goes, Kevin Sorbo does pretty well with what he’s got. One of the lines that Akivasha delivers however, is lifted directly from The Empire Strikes Back. I’m not kidding. Griffith’s character say, “That was not our pact!” She says, “I’m altering the pact. Pray I don’t alter it any further.” That’s word for word.
I suppose I could come down on Kull like a ton of bricks, but there’s a strange earnestness about the film that kind of saves it from being totally banal. It’s not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. Even Kevin Sorbo has since come out saying it’s a bit of a disaster. Kevin is really the only thing that actually holds this movie together, believe it or not. For a movie that was supposed to be a third Conan movie, it’s a decent time-waster at 95 minutes. It moves pretty quick and doesn’t overstay its welcome. Honestly, I would rather watch Kull The Conqueror than Conan The Destroyer or Red Sonja any day of the week. Is this movie the worst that 1997 could offer? Oh, no. It’s not high art, but it’s a hell of a lot better than Mortal Kombat: Annihilation or Batman and Robin. Also, there’s one other thing I would like to mention: The slip cover for the Blu-ray Release. This is one of those Retro VHS slip-covers that you see on certain releases from Mill Creek Entertainment:
Looks pretty cool, right? The film’s tagline is “Courage Conquers All.” So, when you flip over the package, conquers is misspelled: So, the back of the slip-cover reads: Courage Conqueors All. For a disc that’s bare-bones, the least you could do with slip cover is check your goddamned spelling. Thankfully, you can just toss the slip-cover, because on the backside of the actual Blu-ray case, the tagline is spelled correctly. Still, how the hell did a simple but obvious mistake like that get past Q&A? Unfortunately, this is Mill Creek Entertainment we’re talking about, as they don’t put a lot of effort into their releases. Ultimately, I don’t blame people for not even hearing about this movie, let alone seeing it. Kull isn’t exactly a household name when it comes to fictional characters. The connection to the Conan universe, though, is really interesting, and I would actually like to see what really good film-makers would be able to do with a character like Kull. Honestly, I would say check it out if you like these kinds of movies. That wig that Kevin Sorbo wears, though. Yikes.