Released: June 2021
Director: Justin Lin
Rated PG-13
Run Time: 143 Minutes
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Genre: Action
Cast:
Vin Diesel: Dominic Toretto
Michelle Rodriguez: Letty
Jordana Brewster: Mia
Tyrese Gibson: Roman
Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges: Tej
Charlize Theron: Cipher
John Cena: Jakob
Sung Kang: Han
I’ve mentioned on multiple occasions that sometimes movie franchises run so long that they either forget why they’re popular in the first place or that they have run completely out of ideas. When a franchise gets to the point where it no longer makes money, film studios have a tendency to give it the axe or reboot it entirely. There was going to be a new Die Hard movie before Fox got bought out by Disney, but because of that merger, the movie got canned, and it was probably for the best as the previous film wasn’t that great. But you see this happen a lot with horror and action movies. One of the biggest franchises to emerge over the past two decades was The Fast and The Furious. The first three movies were basically about racing, and that was fine, but when number 4 hit, the franchise became about heists, and that actually worked better for Fast and The Furious, because they used cars in a very different way that felt new and exciting. 5,6 and 7, as far as I’m concerned, are the best films in the franchise. Fate of the Furious had some pretty solid moments, but you could tell that it was going way off the rails. Now, after a year-long delay, we have F9: The Fast Saga. After spending the last couple of movies trying to outdo the previous one, F9 doesn’t so much jump the shark, but uses rocket boosters and sails into oblivion.
F9 follows Dominic Toretto as he’s roped into another heist dealing with a device that could have disastrous consequences for the planet, blah, blah, blah. During the adventure, Dom runs into his estranged brother, Jakob, who has become a super-spy himself, and shenanigans ensue, and yadda, yadda, yadda. It’s gotten to the point where story just no longer matters. The Fast and the Furious has devolved into a series of flashy images and action sequences that amount to NOTHING. Character motivations are non-existent, personalities are mostly wooden with the exception of Tej and Roman, who are the best parts of the movie, and everything is set to the kind of movie that everybody has seen before. F9 offers nothing new in terms of narrative or character development. In fact, there’s a character, Han, who was shoehorned into the film because of fan service. That’s what this movie is: Fan service. It’s okay to have fan service once in a while, but when the whole film is nothing but fan service, you’ve gone off you’re rocker.
Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I love total absurdity in my action movies. Just look at The Suicide Squad that was released over the weekend. That movie was NUTS! It was over-the-top bombastic and hilarious in all the right ways. But it was anchored by strong characters and a solid story that had some kind of tether to reality. F9 has none of those. In fact, in my previous post about the best and worst movies of the year so far, I mentioned that people had joked about Fast and Furious going into space for the next entry. It’s like the writers had just given up. So, they go to space to take out a satellite. Yep. I would’ve been okay with them using super-industrial strength magnets to wreck cars and stuff like, despite the fact that magnets DON’T WORK THAT WAY. I would’ve been okay with the abject silliness involved with all the action movie. Some of it was really good with some outstanding stunts, which is what the franchise is known, but it’s all combined with questionable CGI and completely outlandish situations that have no basis in reality. Physics? Who needs physics? We don’t need physics where we’re going! Because they tossed any semblance of realism out of the window, there are no stakes. It feels like a Road-Runner cartoon. The bridge sequence at the beginning of the movie had me rolling my eyes, but it was when they went into space that they truly lost me. What’s next? Interdimensional travel? Fast and Furious on Mars?
The Fast and The Furious has never been known for its strong characters. But this movie basically makes them all invincible. In the fifth, sixth, and seventh movies, the characters were in situations where you thought they might actually die, and some of them did. That’s because those entries had stakes. F9 has none of that. Everybody is basically invincible, and even one of the characters actually has a discussion about that. You’ve got characters being saved by being caught by cars(again, no physics involved), plus you have Dom being able to rip apart cement beams with his bare arms. What is the point in having characters like that if you know they’re going to be just fine? It robs the movie of any kind of tension or suspense, instead relying on loud images to entertain people. Again, I’m okay with Fast and Furious not being deep on characterizations or story, these are supposed to be goofy pop-corn action flicks. But you need the audience to feel that these people are in actual danger, and it never feels that way. You want to know who I blame for all of this? It’s not just the writers, it’s Vin Diesel, who is the producer of these movies. I blame him because he has so much sway and ownership over his character that he refuses to let Dom be beaten or even critically injured, or god forbid, die. He always has to win or come out on top. Again, where’s the tension? Add on top of that, bringing in John Cena as Dom’s estranged brother doesn’t make a lot of sense. Where was he the last 8 movies? Oh, that’s right, he was behind the scenes.
Acting-wise, it’s pretty bog-standard for the franchise. Jordana Brewster returns as Mia, Dom’s sister, and she’s alright. John Cena as Jakob, again, not the worst, but pretty average. The real standouts here, actually, are Tyrese Gibson as Roman and Ludacris as Tej. Not only are they the comic relief, but the chemistry between the two is outstanding. But that’s really about it. Yeah, you’ve got actors like Michael Rooker, who shows up in an extended cameo. I’ve been a fan of Vin Diesel for a long time, but the last few that he’s been in, he’s just been awful, even as a side-character like Groot. The best lead performance that he’s done in the last decade was as Riddick in…well…Riddick. The one big element that was really missing from this movie was Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as Hobbes. He’s part of why the last few movies were incredibly entertaining. He was the glue that kept everything together, but because of a feud that he had with Vin, Johnson will no longer be a part of the main franchise going forward, which doesn’t bode well for the next movie or two. He might show up in another Hobbes and Shaw film, but beyond that? No. Charlize Theron is supposed to be the main villain, but she doesn’t do a whole lot, and I have no idea what they’re going to do with her in the next movie.
I will fully admit to being entertained by this movie. It’s not boring, really, but it suffers from the exact same issues that plagued Transformers: Age of Extinction. It’s too long, and it’s too action-packed. There’s not enough time to really breathe and take in the situation. I enjoyed this movie, but not really for the right reasons. The tone is all over the place, with Vin Diesel taking his character way too seriously. Is F9 the worst movie of the year? I can’t say for sure, as there are more movies to come before I can make that judgment. What I CAN tell you, beyond the shadow of a doubt, is that F9 is the worst entry into the franchise thus far. Yes, yes, I know I used the image of the F9 key as an image at the top instead of movie image, but what can I say? This whole movie feels like a joke. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that F9 was a total parody of the entire franchise. That’s how ridiculous it’s gotten, and that’s not a good thing. Hopefully, Vin Diesel and Justin Lin can pull things back for number 10. They’re talking about two more movies than calling quits. Honestly, they need to do one more to finish off Cipher, Charlize Theron’s character, and then pull the plug. I know the film is going to have its fans, and again, I did enjoy it, but it is a very bad movie overall, and it’s certainly could end up being one of the worst movies of the year.