The Mummy (2017)

Released: June 2017

Director: Alex Kurtzman

Run Time: 110 Minutes

Rated PG-13

Distributor: Universal Pictures

Genre: Action/Adventure

Cast:
Tom Cruise: Nick Morton
Russell Crowe: Dr. Henry Jekyll
Annabelle Wallis: Jenny Halsey
Sofia Boutella: Ahmanet
Jake Johnson: Chris Vail

When it comes to monster movies, Universal Studios was really the first.  Between the 1930’s and 1950’s, we had such gems like Dracula, The Wolfman, The Invisible Man, Frankenstein, The Bride of Frankenstein to name but a few.  Nobody had seen anything like them before and honestly, very few movie-makers have been able to match them since.  We’ve had variations on those monsters and some of them have been successful.  The Mummy, starring Boris Karloff was one of the original movie monster alongside the others.  The Mummy has had multiple updates as far as films go, the most famous of which is the Brendan Fraser movies of 1999 and 2001.  Those were very successful, but they also knew that they were really silly.  Now, in 2017, we have a new Mummy film starring Tom Cruise.  How does this stack up against the previous films?  In short, not very well.

The Mummy sees Tom Cruise as an army soldier, Nick Morton who is on the search for buried treasure when he’s actually supposed to be surveying enemy troops several miles somewhere else.  With his reluctant partner, Chris Vail, they head into a town that’s been overrun by militants.  Dodging bullets left and right, Vail calls in an air-strike that scatters the enemy troops.  The strike also reveals an ancient Egyptian burial site.  Thing is, this site is in Iraq, not Egypt, but features very Egyptian markings and writing.  Arriving by chopper, scientist Jenny Halsey takes charge.  Taking Nick and Vail with her, they discover that the burial site is a prison and not a tomb.  Discovering a large, deep pool of mercury, Nick shoots a line holding a counter-weight, bringing up a mysterious sarcophagus.  This coffin holds the remains of Ahmanet, an ancient princess who made a pact with the evil god Set to destroy her enemies.  You know the rest, coffin gets opened, mummy is revived, shenanigans ensue, etc, etc.  Aside from the story being absolutely derivative of the movies that have come before, the worst offense here is that the film-makers had the audacity to announce a new cinematic universe with The Mummy being the first chapter.  If you plan on crafting a new cinematic universe, you don’t announce it before the first chapter is released, and you certainly don’t open up the universe with a movie that is as sub-par as this.  You have to make sure a movie works before you even BEGIN to craft a new universe.  If the movie doesn’t work, odds are that the new universe won’t work.

I could forgive a story not being that great if the tone of the film was consistent.  It’s not.  It’s completely scatterbrained.  It’s a movie that doesn’t know if it wants to be a monster movie, action movie, or a spoof.  There’s a lot of stuff in here that just doesn’t seem to mesh very well.  Not only that, but there’s a whole ton of blatant fan-service and “nudge-nudge-wink-wink” moments in which either the older movies are clearly referenced or pointing to something on the horizon.  For example, we have a claw from The Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Book of Amun-Ra from Brendan Fraser’s films.  It’s not even trying to be its own movie.  For a movie that the makers have claimed to be the first chapter in their new “Dark Universe” franchise, it does nothing to distinguish itself from any other movie.  All the action sequences and themes that are on display here have been done before and done much better.

There are a few interesting tid-bits here and there.  Tom Cruise is…well….Tom Cruise.  He puts 150 percent into every role that he does and that’s no different here.  He’s a great actor and he does a fine job here.  Russell Crowe is another highlight.  He plays Dr. Jekyll.  Yes….THAT Dr. Jekyll.  Crowe’s character is the head of a mysterious organization that was built to protect mankind from evil forces.  Gee, I haven’t heard THAT one before.  Sofia Boutella plays the villain of the film, Ahmanet.  She’s fantastic.  The character is far more interesting than anyone else in the movie.  For one, it’s a FEMALE mummy and we understand her motivations for what she’s doing.  She’s not entirely unsympathetic.  I loved that.  Annabelle Wallis’ character of Jenny?  Good grief.  Is there a character that could be even MORE useless than Jenny?  All she does is whine and do stupid things and is only there to be saved.  She’s the fucking damsel-in-distress.  That pisses me off.  After Wonder Woman, a movie that had very strong female characters as well as a strong female lead, Jenny is a huge step backwards.  There were times that I wanted that character to die.  Fuck you, Alex Kurtzman, Jon Spaights and everyone else who had a hand in writing this movie.  That is bullshit.

I said in my opening paragraph that The Mummy is supposed to be the first chapter in Universal’s “Dark Universe.”  With cinematic universes being all the rage now, maybe Universal should have taken a cue from Marvel in how to properly set up the world in which these new movies are supposed to take place.  Iron Man kickstarted the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe, but it worked enough on its own as a movie, so in case that movie wasn’t successful, it wouldn’t have done a lot of damage.  The Mummy is probably the worst way to start off the Dark Universe.  With all the movies that have been announced for this whole thing, I really do hope that Universal steps up their game for their next movie which I hear is Bride of Frankenstein.  If they don’t get that movie to work, the Dark Universe is going to die a very quick death.  The Mummy has its moments, make no mistake about it.  If you can ignore the blatantly obvious screenplay problems and irritating characters, you MIGHT get some enjoyment out of it.

Final Recommendation:  Take this one out to the deserts of Iraq and bury it in a pool of mercury.  5/10.

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