The Emoji Movie: What Have I Done?

Released: July 2017

Rated: Total Garbage

Director: Tony Leondis

Distributor: Sony Pictures Animation(if you call that animation)

Genre: Crap/Crap/Crap/Garbage/Abomination

Cast:….who cares?

Usually, in this part of the review, I do an introduction about the film I review, but in the case of The Emoji Movie, I’m going to do something VERY different here.  Since emojis are used to express people’s emotions via text messaging, allow me to express my feelings about this “film” through visual aids.

First Visual Aid: I’m using Return of the Jedi as my visual aid.  Imagine, if you will, that the Emperor is The Emoji Movie, Luke Skywalker is the audience, and Darth Vader as the end credits:

THAT’S what the movie is doing to the audience.  They’re getting bombarded by an ugly piece of crap and it isn’t until the credits that the audience is saved from slow and painful misery.  Again, as a visual aid, I’m referencing Return of the Jedi.  Now, imagine Darth Vader as The Emoji Movie with Luke Skywalker as the audience that had to sit through this pile of absolute stupidity:

The audiences were NOT happy with this.  The level of venom thrown at the film was extraordinary.  On Rotten Tomatoes, 60% of the people hated this thing.  The other 40 were clearly brainwashed or paid to say nice things about The Emoji Movie.  I’ve got one more visual aid to share with you before I give my final thoughts on this……pile of horse manure.  Return of the Jedi has been a wonderful boon for visual aids to describe how I feel about movies like The Emoji Movie.  Here we go:  Imagine film critics as the Rebel fleet and The Emoji Movie as the Death Star:

While the film did “meh” on the box-office front, it was savaged by critics the world over with a scathing 9% on Rotten Tomatoes.  This movie has gone down in flames.  In all seriousness and visual aids aside, The Emoji Movie is one of the worst movies ever made.  There were more times than I could count where I was rolling my eyes.  Who was this movie for?  If it was for the kids, it would have bored them.  If it was for adults, it would have pissed them off.  It pissed me off.  The fact that they roped poor Patrick Stewart into this is beyond my comprehension.  I would love to know who the ding dong was that thought that a movie about emojis was a good idea.  It clearly didn’t work.  The humor was flat(although TJ Miller tried his damndest as Gene), the visuals were third-rate and the story was a cheap knock-off of better films like Inside Out.  I generally try to give movies the benefit of the doubt, which is why I rarely deliver ratings less than 5 out of 10.  I can usually see what the intent behind the film was, even if the film-makers didn’t quite succeed.  There’s usually a nugget or two of interesting and entertaining stuff in movies of this caliber.  I really couldn’t find any of that here.  I knew going in that was going to be a bad movie, considering everything that I’ve heard.  Ultimately, it was worse than what I’ve heard.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but movies like Superman IV are far more entertaining than this.    It’s not a “so bad it’s good” kind of deal, it’s just plain awful.  I don’t think I’ve had a movie insult me the way this one did.  This post is as much a public service announcement as it is a review.  Stay away from The Emoji Movie, if you value your intelligence and your sanity.

My Final Conclusion: The Emoji Movie is a new definition of pain and suffering.  Burn it. 0.1/10(only because I have to give it a score)

 

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