Released: August 2014
Director: Lloyd Lee Barnett
Run Time: 84 Minutes
Rated: Not Rated
Cast:
Christian Oliver: Cage
Les Brandt: Surge
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa: Fumitaka
Ernie Reyes Jr: Hiroshi
When I was a kid, I used to watch a lot of ninja movies. During Halloween, I would’ve also dressed up as a ninja. That’s how cool ninjas were. I loved the whole ninja deal: the swords, sai, star shurikens, caltrops, and the coolest thing: the smoke pellets. I won’t bore you with the history of the ninja, but I will say that it is very interesting. During the 80s, ninja movies were very popular. One of the reasons they were popular is because the movies showed the ninja as acrobatic assassins, even in broad daylight. Some of the more interesting ninja movies that were released during that period were: Enter The Ninja, 9 Deaths of the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja, Ninja III: The Domination, American Ninja, and Rage of Honor. Even without those movies, you still had the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, both the cartoon series and the movies. It didn’t seem like the ninja were going out of style. Unfortunately, they did. We haven’t seen a proper ninja movie until Ninja Assassin was released a couple of years ago. Along with that movie, we also got Ninja and Ninja: Shadow of a Tear starring Scott Adkins. Somewhere along the way, somebody got the bright idea to remake The Warriors movie with ninjas. Ninjas. With superpowers. It’s called: Ninja Apocalypse.
The film takes place somewhere in the future after a nuclear war has ravaged the world. Among the survivors are several clans of ninja warriors who have been mutated. Certain clans exhibit certain powers. One clan wields the power of lightening while another can throw fireballs. Bringing all the clans together to face a growing threat is Fumitaka(Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), and his second-in-command Hiroshi(Ernie Reyes, Jr.). Sadly, Fumitaka is assassinated and one of the clans has been framed for the murder. If you think that story’s ridiculous, watch the trailer. Ridiculous? This movie is bat-shit crazy. You’ve got one clan that can toss around lightening, one clan that throws fireballs, another can teleport, another that’s reptilian and moves fast, and you’ve got another that can shape-shift. Sounds awesome, right? Yes….and no.
First off, the concept is actually pretty cool: A post-apocalyptic ninja movie. I certainly wasn’t expecting that to happen. Secondly, the powers are used on a regular basis. Next up: Cary Tagawa and Ernie Reyes Jr. Tagawa’s just awesome in nearly everything that he’s done thus far, and Reyes still moves like he did back in the early 90s, and he chews the scenery like you wouldn’t believe. Finally, the fight choreography is actually not half-bad. No wires are used to enhance the moves, so what you see is what you get. Some of the fights are actually really good. Especially the final battle. And finally: Zombies. Yes: Zombies. These are zombies that also happen to regenerate. That’s pretty good stuff, right? So, what went wrong? The answer: Everything else.
Wow, talk about piss-poor visual effects. Some of the backgrounds look like they were poorly Photoshopped. The CGI is barely functional at best, and horribly laughable at worst. The acting is uniformly horrendous. Cary Tagawa is only in the film for a few minutes before he’s killed off, and Ernie Reyes Jr? At least he’s not playing an annoying brat like he did in Red Sonja. This movie also has some of the WORST dialogue I’ve ever seen in a movie. Yes, even worse than Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. There’s really only one way that can sum up my reaction to the film’s dialogue.
Ninja Apocalypse is the “Sharknado” of martial arts films. I’m not kidding. Yeah, it’s bad. It’s really, really bad. But it’s awesome at the same time. It kinda works, because there was some effort put into this movie. I understand that nobody sets out to make a bad movie……I hope. This one however, got screwed by some horrendously atrocious writing. The stuff it gets right, it does fairly well. As a result, the film is a mixed bag. On the one hand, you’ve got some genuinely awesome fight sequences, with some interesting visual effects, and ninjas, but on the other hand: Everything else. Although, with a name like Ninja Apocalypse, you probably know what you’re getting yourself into. This seems contradictory, but I’m giving the film an 8/10 for it’s audacity and nifty action sequences. Like Sharknado, I don’t think it would be as interesting as it is with better visual effects. Sounds weird doesn’t it? I say: Give it a rent. Just be prepared for more than a few face-palm moments.