Released: July 1987
Rated PG-13
Run Time: 89 Minutes
Director: Joseph Sargent
Distributor: Universal Pictures
Genre: Horror/Thriller
Cast:
Lorraine Gary: Ellen Brody
Lance Guest: Michael Brody
Mario Van Peebles: Jake
Karen Young: Carla Brody
Michael Caine: Hoagie
Judith Barsi: Thea
Mitchell Anderson: Sean Brody
Back in 1975, then up-and-comer Steven Spielberg unleashed one of the greatest thrillers of all time: Jaws. It scared the hell out of everybody. Anybody you talked to back then and even today can tell you that Jaws is the reason why they didn’t go into the water, whether it was a lake or the ocean. Funny thing is, is that you didn’t even see the shark until towards the end of the movie. Spielberg was forced to take a “less is more” approach, due to the fact that the mechanical shark was not working. As a result, we have an absolutely phenomenal and intense thriller. Apparently somewhere along the way, some genius saw the immense success of Jaws and thought, “what about a sequel?” Sequels were not really the thing during the 70s, with the exception of the Planet of the Apes franchise. So, it was still a relatively new idea. Jaws 2, directed by Jeannot Szwarc, hit audiences in the summer of 1978. It was okay for a sequel, but without the deft hand of Steven Spielberg at the helm, it didn’t even come close. In 1983, Jaws 3-D, the first 3D entry in the series, hit theaters to very mixed reactions. As far as I’m concerned, Jaws 3 is the very definition of a B-movie. It embraces that title and runs with it. In 1987, we get our final film in the franchise: Jaws: The Revenge. Oooh…sounds dramatic doesn’t it? “The Revenge!” It’s widely considered by many to be one of the worst movies ever made and easily the worst film in the franchise. Well, I’m here to tell you why Jaws: The Revenge is the GREATEST worst movie EVER!!!
The film opens on the week before Christmas and Deputy Sean Brody is tasked with removing a piece of wood from some piece of equipment in the harbor of Amity. As he attempts to free the piece of wood, he’s attacked and eaten by a Great White shark. Afterwards, Michael Brody, the older brother of Sean and Ellen Brody’s eldest, flies in from Jamaica to attend the funeral. During a dinner scene, Ellen seems to get it in her head that her family is being deliberately targeted by a Great White. What is it? The Shark Mafia? Anyway, the rest of the family flies down to Jamaica with Hoagie, the pilot. Ellen still seems to think that the shark is after her. I can’t help but wonder who approved the script for this thing. I thought Jaws 3 was silly. This is just plain bonkers! Do you mean to tell me that a Great White shark had deliberately followed the Brody family from Amity Island all the way to Jamaica? I’m at a loss for words at how ridiculous the script is. This got made and released into theaters! Not only that, there are moments in the film where Ellen has flashbacks….to events she did not witness. Oh, and we can’t forget the dream sequences. You know, the things that every other fucking horror movie has done in the past. Not just one, but TWO. There is also a moment when Ellen is talking to Hoagie at the same time Michael and Jake’s boat is attacked by the shark. She immediately seems to sense the attack. Does she have some sort of psychic connection to the shark? Is her Shark Sense tingling? The writing in this film is awful.
Let’s talk about the acting. Surprisingly, it’s not awful. Everybody does a surprisingly decent job considering the material they were given. Mario Van Peebles is pretty entertaining as Jake, even though he really butchers the Jamaican accent. Lance Guest is not a terrible actor. He was actually pretty good in The Last Starfighter. Lea Thompson, who was in the Back to the Future films is pretty likable as Carla, Michael’s wife. The real standout of the film is Michael Caine. He plays Hoagie, the pilot with a sandwich for a name. God, I can’t even write his name with a straight face. Every is mostly disposable. There’s a reason why Lorraine Gary quit acting for good, and the movie is Jaws: The Revenge. I don’t why she decided to come out of retirement for this movie, but she quickly went back into retirement after the film was released and I don’t blame her. Her performance was scatterbrained, but it was mostly over-the-top hysterics.
Since this is a Jaws film, let’s discuss the shark. Half the reason the original film worked, was because we couldn’t see the shark. That made things a lot more intense. Here, they show the shark in all it’s “glory.” Where’s the suspense? We know what the shark looks like now, so we have an idea of how it attacks. Let’s not forget the fact that the shark spends a great deal of time OUT of the water. Really? Oh, you wanna know the best part? During the final battle with the shark Jake and Mike use these little electronic devices to give the shark electro-shocks. This apparently has the effect of having the shark jump out of the water…..and it roars….like a lion. Last time I checked, sharks couldn’t roar because they have no vocal cords or lungs for that matter. They’re fish, they have gills. Oh and let’s discuss the ending as well. Both of them. You know, I generally don’t like spoiling the end of movies, but this is a very special case. See, there were two endings that were filmed for the movie. Both had Jake getting nabbed by the shark, but in one the releases, when Ellen rams the shark with the boat, the shark EXPLODES. The filmmakers also had the audacity to literally rip the exploding shark from the original film. Rather than continue to explain, I’m going to show you both endings. One was for the international release, the other one was for the theatrical and was actually the better ending, oh and this clip will show you the shark roaring:
Aside from all that, there a lot of continuity issues. The most famous of which is when Hoagie is attacked by the shark in his plane, which he crash-landed, he climbs into the boat and his shirt is completely dry. There’s a lot of issues like that throughout the entire film. One of the few things that the film manages to get right is the music. It reworks John Williams’ signature theme and makes it a bit more grand. We can thank Michael Small for that. I actually really like the music for Jaws: The Revenge.
I’ll be honest: I loved this movie when I was a kid. That was back before I knew anything about screenplays and scripts and having things make sense. While the film still doesn’t make any sense, I still have a soft spot for it, despite how bad it is. It really is bad. There’s only a small handful of things that are good about it. The rest of it is just plain terrible. Of the sequels, I chose to review this one first, because its awfulness was the stuff of legends. There aren’t a whole lot of movies that manage to get nearly everything wrong, but The Revenge does an admirable job of getting almost everything wrong. This is a movie that is most fun when you can poke fun at it. It deserves a Riff Trax/Mystery Science Theater 3000 treatment, for sure. I loved Jaws: The Revenge as a kid, but as an adult, I find it completely fascinating. It is something to behold, that’s for sure.
Final Recommendation: Grab some alcohol, grab some friends and point and laugh. 4/10.