Van Helsing

Released: 2004

Director: Stephen Sommers

Rated PG-13

Run Time: 131 Minutes

Cast:
Hugh Jackman: Van Helsing
Kate Beckinsale: Anna Valerious
Richard Roxburgh: Dracula
David Wenham: Carl
Kevin J. O’Connor: Igor
Shuler Hensley: Frankenstein’s Monster

When you hear the term, “classic movie monster,” what comes to your mind?  Dracula, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man, or The Mummy?  The answer is all above.  These are some of the most memorable creatures that have been a part of cinema for the better part of a century.  So…..what happens when somebody has the idea to bring all of them together for a movie?  We actually have two answers for that: The Monster Squad and Van Helsing.  The Monster Squad was released back in 1987 and featured most, if not all, of Universal Studio’s famous monsters.  Based loosely on a main character in Bram Stoker’s story, DraculaVan Helsing follows the adventures of the legendary vampire hunter.  Is the film any good?  As it is a Stephen Sommers film, the answer is a mixed bag.  I’ll explain a little later.

Opening on the streets of Paris, the film follows the titular character Van Helsing as he hunts for a notorious doctor/monster by the name of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.  Chasing the monster to a local cathedral, Van Helsing successfully eliminates the beast at the expense of a very old window.  Later, as he returns to the Vatican, he’s given a new mission which involves him taking on the dreaded Count Dracula.  Another reason is that a local family by the name of Valerious has sworn to never enter Heaven until Dracula has been destroyed.  So, Van Helsing’s mission is two-fold: Destroy the master vampire and save Anna’s family with Anna being the last of the line.  Taking a friar by the name of Carl with him to Transylvania, Van Helsing meets up with Anna and is promptly attacked by Dracula’s vampire brides.  There’s also the side-plots involving werewolves, Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula’s children, blah, blah, blah.  There is a word to describe Stephen Sommer’s Van Helsing: Bloated.  I’ve looked at numerous reviews of this movie, and they all say the same thing: The movie is bloated.

Let’s get this right out in the open: Van Helsing is not a good movie.  Not remotely.  There is some really good stuff here, but I’m going to go through the bad stuff first.  I hate to repeat using the same word, but the film really is bloated.  I knew going in that I was going to be dealing with Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and werewolves.  That’s pushing it, but the film also had the audacity to throw in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde towards the beginning of the film.  Yes, the film had to establish that Van Helsing is a bad-ass, but the film has so many monsters already, it just feels like Sommers threw in everything AND the kitchen sink.  Had he focused on one or two plot-points, the film would have felt a bit more coherent.  But no, Sommers wanted everything to center around Frankenstein’s monster, why he his so important to Dracula and why he was made.  The story is just a poor excuse to have all these creatures on screen at the same time.  I don’t think it would have been so painful if the performances weren’t so all over the map.  The performances range from good, to bad, to HOLY MOLY!!!  Richard Roxburg is perhaps one of the WORST Draculas I have ever seen.  I remember reading a review that said Roxburg’s performance is so over-the-top that it’s still in orbit.  I think that’s funny because the role that Roxburg played in his next movie, Stealthhad the last name of….Orbit.  Not kidding.  So, yeah, Roxburg was pretty bad in this.  Kate Beckinsale also suffered in this one.  I like Kate as an actress, I really do.  I think she’s talented and beautiful, but give her a Transylvanian accent and she goes overboard.  She wasn’t that particularly convincing.  I’m not blaming just the actors for their performances, that comes down to the writing.  That I can pin on Stephen Sommers, as he also wrote the movie.

If you can make it past all that, the rest of the film is at least fairly competent.  Hugh Jackman is fantastic as Van Helsing.  He brings a natural charisma and confidence to the character that defines Van Helsing as a character.  Not only that, but Hugh had also come off of X-men 2, so was in top physical condition for the movie.  He ended up doing a lot of his own stunts and that was fantastic.  The actual opening of the film was very reminiscent of the original Frankenstein.  The film literally opens up in black and white when Victor Frankenstein brings his monster to life.  Aside from Dracula’s part in that, it ends up at a windmill much like Frankenstein.  That was a pretty cool throwback.  It also helps give the film its camp-factor.  Believe me, Van Helsing is very campy.  The secondary characters are fantastic.  David Wenham is hilarious as Carl.  I’ve liked Wenham ever since he play Faramir in the Lord of the Rings films.  He’s a pretty good actor, and instead playing a tough guy like he does in 300, he gets to play a fairly nerdy kind of character.  Wenham gives the character a very quirky personality, and is somewhat hesitant, but ultimately comes through for his companions.  Awesome character.  Kevin J. O’Connor is reliable as always.  He plays Igor, Frankenstein’s deformed assistant.  O’Connor has always been fun to watch no matter what he does.  He gives the character an interesting dynamic and energy that makes him fun to watch, even though you don’t like him.  Robbie Coltrane is awesome as Mr. Hyde.  I don’t agree with the character’s inclusion in the film, but Coltrane makes him memorable regardless.

Another thing that works in Van Helsing’s favor, is that it’s not boring.  It is action packed and an absolute thrill to watch.  Yeah, it’s a CGI-fest, but most of the effects are really well done courtesy of Industrial Light and Magic.  Some of the CGI isn’t as good as the rest of it, but the film moves at such a rapid pace that you don’t really notice.  I will say this for Stephen Sommers:  He knows how to film an action movie.  He really does.  He doesn’t rely on super closeups and shaky-cam techniques.  He wants you to see what’s going on and the film is better for it.  Van Helsing’s opening adventure in Paris is an absolute blast, as is the cart chase through a Transylvanian forest.  It is genuinely thrilling.  The sets and the artwork are an absolute marvel to look at.  Dracula’s castle is especially creepy.  Say what you will about the movie, but it is visually stunning.  It has some fantastic special effects, and I really, really love the werewolf transformations.  It’s suitably freaky and awesome at the same time.  The music by Alan Silvestri is very over-the-top bombastic and helps give the film its campy feel.  I’ve always been a fan of Silvestri’s.  He’s one of those composers that is very reliable and creative.

It’s a funny thing:  Considering the film was made for 160 million greenbacks, it actually made back double in its run world-wide.  Domestically, it wasn’t a heavy-hitter, but combined with the intake from the rest of the globe, the movie made over 300 million dollars.  That doesn’t equate to a major box-office bomb.  Financially, it could have gotten a sequel, but Van Helsing got hammered critically.  It’s too bad, I like the character, and I liked Hugh Jackman’s portrayal of Van Helsing, but considering how much people hated it, a sequel is not going to happen.  At the end of the day, Van Helsing is not a terrible movie, but it’s an average one.  It’s got a lot of action and great visual effects, and David Wenham is fun to watch, but Richard Roxburg’s peformance and Kate’s horrendous accent as well as the lousy story just bring the film down.  7/10 is what this one gets.  It’s a rental at best.

Unexpected Sequels!

When I go to a movie, I usually don’t go in expecting it to have a sequel.  There are many, MANY movies where it’s obvious they will get a follow-up.  You can be assured that most movies based on comic book from Marvel or DC will end up getting a sequel.  Not always, but it’s often the case.  Why?  Because they are huge movies that if done well, earn enough to warrant a follow-up.  With movies like Star Wars and Terminator, you expect a sequel, so movies like that are going to be left off of this list, as well as any movie that deliberately sets up for a sequel, so movies like The Equalizer don’t count either.  The movies that I’m bringing up today are ones where it seemed like it was “one and done.”  I’m also not bringing these movies up because they’re bad.  I judge each film on its own merits.  Some of these are pretty bad, to be sure, but some of them are somewhat decent. Also, there will be major spoilers, so if you haven’t seen some of the movies I’m listing, you may want to hit the back button on your browser.

The Scorpion King

Trailers

This one is interesting, because The Scorpion King with Dwayne Johnson was already a spin-off of a sequel.  The Scorpion King was actually a pretty fun diversion.  Nothing particularly groundbreaking, but it was fairly Rock-solid adventure(see what I did there?).  A few years later, Scorpion King 2 showed up.  This was actually a prequel, and not a good one either.  The Scorpion King gets bonus points for not having just ONE follow-up, but THREE sequels.  I’ve seen them all, and not one of them are any good.  If you must see a Scorpion King movie, see the first one with The Rock, it’s awesome.

TREMORS

Movie Trailers

This is a great monster movie.  Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward are simply fantastic.  There’s a lot of humor in the film and a lot of great tension.  The monsters themselves are great.  Gigantic man-eating monsters known as Graboids terrorize a small Nevada town and it’s up to Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward to save the day.  It’s nothing original, but it really reminds you of the old 50’s sci-fi monster flicks.  It’s funny, well-made and exciting.  Tremors 2 showed up five years later.  This was NOT expected at all.  I would have been happy with just the one.   The second film wasn’t particularly bad, either.  But wait, there’s more.  Not only Tremors 2, but we got a third and fourth movie as well.  These movies really aren’t that bad.  Yeah, the special effects got worse with each film, but Michael Gross was the best part of the sequels.  Here’s a scary thing, they’re making ANOTHER film.  It’s called Tremors 5: Bloodline.  Sounds pretty ominous.  Michael Gross is returning as Burt Gummer(YES!!!).  Another thing I should mention is that Tremors also got a TV series that premiered on the sci-fi channel about a decade ago.  It’s pretty forgettable actually.

Roadhouse

Trailer For Roadhouse

Trailer for Roadhouse 2

I totally got blind-sided by this one.  Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze was one of the most memorable action films during the 80s.  The film’s dialogue was questionable, but highly entertaining.  Not only did it have Patrick Swayze, but it also had Sam Elliott.  How can you possibly go wrong with Roadhouse?  You can’t.  But apparently, some higher-ups decided it would be a good idea to return to Roadhouse with a sequel.  Not just a sequel, but a direct-to-video sequel, Roadhouse 2: Last Call, starring Jonathan Schaech, Jake Busey, and Richard Norton.  Schaech plays Shane, the son of Dalton from the first movie.  Apparently they couldn’t get Patrick Swayze to reprise his role, so they killed the character, in a plane crash.  This is a dreadful film, with the only bright spot being Richard Norton as a drug dealer.  Just stick with the original Roadhouse.  Yeah, it’s cheesy, but it’s a fantastic film.

Dragonheart

Dragonheart Trailer
Dragonheart: A New Beginning Trailer
Dragonheart 3: The Sorcerer’s Curse

This one was the inspiration for this particular list.  Dragonheart was a fantastic film with great actors, a decent story and action.  But the one thing that really made the film unique was the dragon who was voiced by Sean Connery.  Given how the original film ended with Draco sacrificing himself, there was no reason to expect a sequel of ANY kind.  Apparently, Draco had hidden an egg in some kind of cave for Bowen to discover, and a local monastery helped protect the young dragon until a local stable-boy discovered him.  A New Beginning seems like a blatant cash-in on a movie that stood on its own.  It’s not terrible, but it just seemed superfluous in the end.  Not only that, but the dragon wasn’t very well animated or voiced.  Robby Benson was the voice of Drake, and he was not particularly impressive in that role, and the visual effects were laughable.   That film was released in 2000.  15 years later, we get another one: The Sorcerer’s Curse.    While the third film is still no match for the original, it’s superior to the second film in every way.  The dragon is also voice by Ben Kingsley.  That’s a pretty good choice for a dragon.  It’s not perfect, but it was entertaining enough.  Dragonheart 3 was definitely a surprise.  I definitely didn’t see that one coming at all.  I had learned about it about a month before it was released on video.  As an unexpected sequel, Dragonheart 3 is better than most.

Starship Troopers

Starship Troopers Trailer
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation Trailer
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
Starship Troopers: Invasion

Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers wasn’t exactly what you call a roaring success, but it wasn’t an outright failure, either.  At least, not critically.  It was a fun and spectacular action film that was actually smarter than people gave it credit for, with its use of propaganda and neo-Fascist setting.  But most people would agree that it was VERY loosely based on the book of the same name by Robert A. Heinlein.  For fans of the book, the movie failed on nearly every level.  I didn’t read the book until I saw the movie, so I appreciate both.  But given how both the book and movie ended, a sequel was extremely unlikely, given the film’s overall box intake.  When I heard they were making a sequel to Starship Troopers, I was rather curious.  Then I heard it was direct-to-video.  There’s a reason for that.  It’s a big pile of donkey doo-doo.  It apparently had a 20 million dollar budget, but apparently that wasn’t enough for them to actually use blanks.  No, the guns they used were plastic toys with flashing lights on the tips of the barrels.  I’m not kidding, check out the trailer for Starship Troopers 2.  They tried to turn it into a horror/slasher film of sorts.  Everything about this film was a complete disaster.  Yet, they managed to make ANOTHER one: Marauder.  They actually managed to bring Casper Van Dien back to play Johnny Rico in ST3.  His performance is clearly B-level.  He knew what kind of movie he was making.  They actually brought in the suits that were so prominently featured in the book, but the CGI is so bad, I don’t think it was even worth it.  Seriously, the CGI is not even PlayStation 2 level.  Not only that, they had a musical number with a singing Federation Officer.  There’s a face-palm moment if there ever was one.  Oh, and there’s an irritating religious zealot that should have been killed off.  It should have been the end of it.  But lo and behold, the good folks at Sony Entertainment released yet another: Invasion.  Here’s the thing about Starship Troopers: Invasion.  It’s actually pretty good.  Why?  They gave the project to some Japanese animators and crafted a fully CGI animated film, produced by none other than Casper Van Dien.  He doesn’t provide the voice for Rico, but Invasion brings back Rico, Carmen, and Carl from the original film.  They look different, but it’s still them.  It’s a surprisingly different and spectacular take on the series.  I really liked it.  The first two sequels were really unexpected and mostly unwanted.  The third sequel was a blast.  I’ll do a review of that one later on.

That’s my list for the most unexpected sequels.  These are the ones that really caught my attention.  Most of them really aren’t that good, though.  So, does anybody have any suggestions or unexpected sequels of their own they would like to mention?  Leave a message in the box below and I’ll check it out.  This is Major Tom, signing off.

Starship Troopers 3: It’s a Good Day To Die(Music Video)

Pretty bad, aint it?